Getting to the root of the problem

I’ve been a bit distracted of late.  Hence the lack of posts.

Before I get into the why I’ve been distracted, a quick update on resolutions…

  • Steps – I’ve been averaging about 4k a day and have had one 10k+ day so far.
  • Pilates – I’ve been doing the classes but not the DVDs as yet
  • Dog walking – hmmm.  Mostly round the field at least once a day but not “out” for a walk yet
  • healthy eating… hit and miss would be the best comment on this one!

So, on to what has been keeping me distracted…. Archie has been under the weather with a poorly tooth, which he had extracted in November and hasn’t really healed properly.

Without waffling on too much, we had big debates about whether any further treatment would be in his best interests (taking into account the extent of the infection he had, which looked like it had gone into the bone of his jaw) or whether go ahead with a rather major operation.  Lots of tears & heartache but we decided to go ahead with the op.

We dropped him off at the vets yesterday ready to go in for his op this afternoon.  I heard when I got back from work today that he had come round ok, that the vet had to take out a lot* (my very technical term) of infected bone but it feels like he got it all.

So, the major worry of whether they would go in and find something they couldn’t fix is over but there is now the critical 48 hours post-op window to navigate.  Still not out of the woods but at least if it doesn’t heal up now and we have to have him put down, we know that we’ve done everything possible (within reason for the welfare of the horse) to get him over it.

That’s what has been keeping me distracted, using up nearly all my brain power, when I’m not actively distracting myself from thinking, and being a big drain on my emotions.

Fingers crossed.  Hope for the best & prepare myself for the worst.  Those are my two mottos at the moment.

 

In other news, it has been confirmed that my fixed-term contract won’t be extended past the end of March so I’m back on the job hunt again.  Oh joy.  However, I do have an interview next Tuesday for a job 12 miles down the road, which will be cheaper in petrol!

External Stresses / The Pain of Waiting

This interminable waiting is soul destroying.

I am trying to sort out my “exit” from work and it is so slow.  If they know it’s going to take a longer time to respond then the least they could do is let me know, to “manage expectations”.

The upshot of this is that every time I check my emails I’m not sure if I’ll hear something from them, I’m half fearful that I will have something as the previous responses from work have been problematic; every time my phone goes there is that same uncertainty until I see who it is.  Then there is the disappointment when I haven’t heard anything, that I’m still in limbo, that I can’t go any further to improve my condition.

It is so difficult to move forward.  They say with stress that you don’t know how badly something affects you until the weight of carrying it has been lifted.  However, I know that I have a huge weight of stress that I’m carrying, I just don’t know for how long or for how far and it is exhausting.  I look forward to the day when it’s all over and done with because then I can start to move forward, I can leave this chapter of my life behind me and be able to concentrate more on my recovery.

Anyway, I just needed to get this off my chest and now I’ll be back to trying to distract myself from the wait.