Turn sideways and…

I’ll disappear!

Not quite but this dieting stuff is getting pretty damned exciting!   Sorry if I am boring any of you with these diet updates but for someone who has struggled for many, many frustrating years with increasing weight and decreasing ability to do anything about it, being on the verge of hitting a stone lost since Christmas is a BIG THING.  My sneaky mid-week weigh-in put me at 12lb lost so far, and all being well I should be the same weight or less at my ‘official’ weigh-in day tomorrow.

Before now, the most weight I’d lost was 7lbs and as soon as I stopped being strict it went back on in a flash.  This time, I’ve had weekends where I’ve not been entirely sensible about my choices but I’ve made it through the week pretty well either still loosing a little or staying the same; thanks in no small part by the fact that I can now do a significantly greater amount of exercise!

The difference is now starting to show, my cheekbones are starting to come out of hiding, my waist is returning and I’m back to being able to take my jeans on and off without undoing them, even after having gone down a size late last year.

I’m not ‘doing’ anything radically different than I’ve done before (as few steps between how it grew – whether animal or plant – and how it appears on my plate and reducing portion size), the difference is in HOW I’m doing it.

You can’t underestimate the power you have over yourself.  The power of self-sabotage is immense and has always been a problem for me; perhaps because I didn’t have the emotional resilience to fail so I never really tried, perhaps because I had started to believe the people who assumed I just didn’t want to get fit and loose weight.  Whatever the reason, I had this little gremlin on my shoulder saying things like “one more won’t hurt” and “well, there’s so much to loose that an extra day of eating rubbish and stuffing yourself won’t hurt”.

This time though, that little gremlin has been kicked off his perch by a teeny little cheerleader who delights in every lb lost,  praises every decision to leave the chocolate, ice cream and biscuits on the supermarket shelf and whispers things in my ear like “just think of all those clothes in the wardrobe that you’ll be able to fit into again”, things that my conscious mind has been yelling for years but without some positive reinforcement from the sub-conscious or unconscious mind, gets drowned out.   It’s not that I don’t have the odd cookie or posh coffee or extra portion of dinner, its just that it isn’t all the time and I take it into account in what else I eat or what exercise I do.  I am in control of what I eat, rather than what I eat being in control of me.

In other, not so great news: I’m feeling rather rotten. It started with chest pains yesterday afternoon (all checked out by the doc and everything is ok) and has continued with feeling sick and weak and shaky.  It is some small consolation that, as mother is unwell as well, I suspect that it is actually a bug and not the onset of new and exciting CFS weirdness or even a set-back.

On the bright side, I haven’t resorted to my usual default position “I am ILL so I must EAT!!!”.

So, here is to a successful weigh-in tomorrow morning and a relaxing and restful weekend to get over whatever bug is making me feel miserable.

1 thought on “Turn sideways and…

  1. Those moments when you begin seeing your bone structure are the best! Every time I discover a bone or like those little gasps between the bones I like freak out and wonder if its normal! Then I’m reminded it is…it was just covered by fat before. Congrats on the weight loss..keep it up!

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